arthropodic

so , just confirm that any pings kossai send out from blogs do not actually reach anyone at all - even ping between kossai blogs no longer do anything , when previously did .

would say not sure why , but do have one theory : actually switch accounts recently . originally current blogs share space on account with some older ones that just kind of want to get away from without actually delete - old creations , old hubs for things , even really old stuff that share with lover legion . memories , but also kind of mess with post recommendations , like counts , and other nonsense . so , did switch over to newer account for fresh start .

not sure exactly when this problem start , so maybe wrong on that . but know that for at least this whole month , just unable to ping anyone else . wonder if this account have some sort of internal red flag because of minimal use on main URL , and how to deal with that ... if there is any way to deal other than to try and have conversation with support staff , because feel like that is entirely fruitless effort .

Current Mood: annoyed
Current Music: temple of the wild dance ~ rusted moss ost

beehaiku

the cover of Trophy by Made Out Of Babies

Gut Shoveler // Trophy (2005) // Made Out Of Babies
https://open.spotify.com/track/2dnOsgpXLOWnrwqfiTvpPs?si=7oL5OLy1T9KQRDatbymjeg

kossai

wish jeremy garner did not self destruct previous solo music , because only ever get one song ( the fairy ring , absolute favourite , literally journal title is from that song ) and ... of course now really want to listen to others . always want what can not have >_>

wish know how to use particular music services , if catch drift . but this guy is so niche that not sure would have any copies out there anyway ... would be happy if could find even one more , but would really love whole trilogy of lost enchanters albums . might never happen unless choose to put back up .

Current Mood: sad
Current Music: the fairy ring ~ jeremy garner

kossai

really want to design miensona in style of one of mushroom daughters - pixie's parasol . but not really sure how :T

Current Mood: confused

kossai

besse first ! somehow forget to mention besse , but besse come before firiti - common verdigris agaric , who actually slay witch after encounter doomed lady . that was very fun !

firiti then did get potion vendor event , and even though doomed , actually change into false morel . yay ! sort of weird though , actually get already-grown bonus for firiti , but so far never encounter morel or false morel - but do have one prior mould daughter . not sure if that is what trip up . either way , firiti was able to successfully graduate kindergarten ! actually really like how interactive that event was .

finally , saffi - common sapphic destroying angel , from accelerated pot - did not have any goals other than to stir shit up and have fun . teach copper woman how to steal , scare off caelia from house , even lend toxic flesh to some stranger . have fun with that liver , king's brother !

next up is liya , but need to go through chapter 2 before know anything for sure . :3

Current Mood: chipper
Current Music: autumn's child ~ peter gundry

kossai

still every so often try to check on forum just in absent mind . why did admin just up and delete ? sigh .

Current Mood: disappointed
Current Music: the fairies' hornpipe / off to california ~ clannad

kossai

just betray faerie brethren and feed fairy to firiti ... but also , firiti turn out to mould . :')
do hope will get healer or potion event - pass up these chances with velusa , and healer did not really clear nemuri's infestation , but ... something , please !

side note , fairy blood colour palette is so bright .

Current Mood: gloomy
Current Music: earth dance ~ richard searles

kossai

was about to post some of this on tumblr , but then remember tumblr is tumblr . :P

just sort of spitball in mind right now that hate labels of pro-recovery and anti-recovery . if there is anything that would describe kossai better , think would centre support and autonomy .

everyone should get to have choice of what support and care look like . everyone should get to have choice to do things that might hurt in some way , because life is complex like that . everyone should get to have choice to live life in ways that feel happiest and truest - even if not in line with what others consider to be important , real , or respectable - so long as not infringe on basic rights , safety , or autonomy of others .

sometimes chosen support will include give up some or all control , for any period of time - but should get to make that choice to set up , and have choice to take back . sometimes chosen support will look like society's idea of recovery , but can not expect that always will - for others , support means invite others in to indulge and embrace , to forget what society deem real or unreal . sometimes support is somewhere in between , take what help and discard what do not .

find that sometimes , most painful part of experience is not experience in self , but treatments and expectations of others . do this , do that , take this , take that . say this is not real , comfort everyone else , do not talk too loud , do not take up too much space . no wonder so many end up in cycles of isolation , distrust , and paranoia . some people will always have painful experiences no matter what . but that kind of treatment only add pain on top , not remove any , and can further destabilise .

Current Mood: thoughtful
Current Music: hearthfire ~ vindsvept

kossai

people usually picture faerie dances as this circular hand-hold affair to create beautiful perfect ring ... that can be true , but not whole story . sure , dances done specifically to lure humans , those might be more orderly and pretty . but faerie dances can be very chaotic indeed , where everyone seem to do something different .

some people want to impress each other , some just want to have corner to self , some really want to be in focus . but ultimately everyone just want to have some fun - and for that , there is no single true choreography ! nor do all faerie dances come in groups - may be very happy to just dance alone , music or no music .

of course , some courts might also have story and character dances , but that is different from dances done just for sake of dance . like dance traditions such as ballet and nihon-buyo , these tell particular stories as performance for audience , rather than equal participation .

Current Mood: chipper
Current Music: frixell in the fields ~ atelier lulua ost

kossai

go through dream journal entries because kind of fall behind on properly format - struggle because this is one of those endless tasks - and ... well , just get to influenza days .

one entry ... not even sure what to say ! viewer discretion for crudeness :

( Read more... )

that is all that entry say . there is no more information or context , and have no recall at all - just have absolute fit of laughter over this .

( sidetrack into look for some other funny snippets , but seem to no longer have some of picture and music files . fuck . can recreate some for sure , but like , fuck ! that put damper on things , but at least this one was very funny . sigh . )

Current Mood: moody
Current Music: peony's thank you ~ barbie fairytopia: magic of the rainbow ost

kossai

in many dreams , inconsistencies and changes happen either when kossai turn around and look back , or go through doors or gates of some kind .

in one dream , kossai have pet bird during one scene , then leave through door . in next scene , this bird was now suddenly cat . very rarely do characters of dreams actually acknowledge these changes , and neither do kossai . in cases like this , where one thing turn to another , would sort of compare to how video games have different tilesets in different places - same tile index , but different texture between maps .

in another dream long ago , kossai start out in small room , leave and pass through long row of torii gates , and end up in ... mall . kossai then proceed to enter one of stores in this mall , where find competition to eat mud pies . these doors signify change of area , but even in places that should be mundane and have specific significance , this is no guarantee locations will make sense . sometimes might even go in room , turn around , and exit somewhere completely different .

lastly , just today , dream about help scar find skizz - hermitcraft goodness - inside apartment building . did find skizz inside one of these rooms , but then scar was nowhere to be seen . when kossai turn around and then look back , skizz was no longer there - instead hear some random people talk about family drama . dream characters can disappear and get replacements pretty instantaneously , and with no rhyme or reason . new characters often do not recognise previous developments or events of dream .

that is another thing - in-dream memory . in any dreams , not guarantee that kossai will remember things scene-by-scene . might not realise that companion is suddenly missing , that objects disappear , that locations change , anything - might not even remember goals or events ! this can complicate dream records . scenes flow together with no cohesion or logic , so have to break down piece by piece .

another weird fluid aspect is whether or not dream scene is " reality " or game . not uncommon that dream scenes contextualise events as game , but then next scene contextualise events as reality , and vice versa , or even switch back and forth . absolute nightmare to record , because will not necessarily have actual markers of game - like interface , controllers , or technology at all - just simply know whether scene is game or not .

all of this is why , when dreams do maintain some kind of consistency , kossai see fit to question dream as possibly woven by another courtier of kossai , or travel elsewhere outright . this is still not guarantee , but find more likely when there is consistency over random inconsistency . even in places that might truly be inconsistent - say , faerie or other magical realms - there is still other consistency to rely on , and usually have much stronger in-dream memory .

Current Mood: dorky
Current Music: moon dance ~ patricia spero

kossai

question :

Hello there! I had a question that I hope doesn’t come across as rude/using the wrong terminology.

Have you ever sought out the fae and/or had experiences with them? Have they ever reacted negatively to your identity as one of them?

answer :

well ... not really sure how to answer this . kossai is not one faerie soul that inhabit human body . kossai is court of faeries , who inhabit human-like faerie body to live among humans - and that body appear differently between humans ( seeming , less visibly faerie ) and faeries ( mien , very visibly faerie ) .

so never really come across problems on that basis at all . maybe some curiosity or confusion , but in general faeries outside this personal court have no reason to see as anything but faerie here and now .

what do occasionally happen instead is that other faeries might hiss and spit if think somehow threaten territory , whether solitary or court . but those encounters tend to not be very long anyway as really just pass through , especially by means like car ( fast , too busy to get out and investigate , roads usually on borders of territory ) rather than on foot .

Current Mood: contemplative
Current Music: tales from the sanctuary tree ~ dark crystal: age of resistance ost

bodyetal

Riley has come to believe that we absolutely can get sick in headspace, have for a long time, and that the rest of us are just in a bizarre sort of denial about this. I didn’t agree with them. As we’ve said before, our headspace is not “real.” It’s not tangible or self-sustaining. “It’s the same thing as picturing an apple” has basically become our catchphrase.

But there is something we’ve been failing to mention (and honestly ignoring): our inner selves are affected by our outer selves’ condition. When we say people “collapse out of front,” sometimes it’s just kind of a metaphor for dropping out quickly because of fatigue or stress or whatever. But sometimes we will also see them literally collapse in the void. Sometimes getting kicked out of front would mean someone appearing and falling like they’d been thrown. I can cry when the body can’t, because my inner self does.

I worked myself sick last week, and the body got sick along with me, but I kept symptoms both in and out of front and when I fronted the body was worse. That wasn’t the first time—I’m the undefeated champ of psychosomaticism—but it was the first time that I was able to see my inner self as being sick too, rather than just stressed.

This is something we need to poke at as a concept more. Honestly, we’d have liked to make this post a breakdown of it (because more diverse interior experiences need to be represented in general), but it would require so many definitions and so much deconstruction that it’ll have to come another time. For now, we’re mostly just acknowledging it.

(The title is misleading. Soulsickness means a different thing for us. It was just a cool word—post title will change if I settle on something more accurate.)

Current Mood: awake

kossai

so come across jaq in 2 playthroughs now - vala help first time , and jaq mention vala by name . which means , for sure , that all these daughters coexist . notes from recluse in witch's hut also directly talk to player .

so like , in universe , is recluse actually just plaything of witch ? able to die and then live again ( save scum or restart after game over ) , occasionally get references to some sort of prior daughter , and yet seem to have this sort of unawareness and always yearn for another .

obviously games do not always try and justify these things but this one in specific play around ! unfortunately for recluse , faeries at helm here .

Current Mood: amused
Current Music: these woods are safe ~ earthencloak

kossai

so :
kisa , common blue cordyceps . actually despite monstrous trait , seem to get along very well with people , and even get invitation to gala . kisa invite recluse to gala , but unfortunately recluse could not keep up with dance and have to go home .
successful !

vala , assertive blood flame coral . more aggressive with people , and scare off caelia ( several positive encounters before , was curious to scare off ) but occasionally help also . unfortunately , recluse did not pay up front , and leave debt with vala . witch ask for vala to kill lost daughter who now act solely on violent , destructive instinct . vala was no exception to this , and unfortunately , attacks all miss - nearly torn asunder by lost daughter , and lose all robustness .

nemuri get parasitic insect event , and choose to just ... cruelly leave insects be , for infested trait which not really sure effects yet . originally grow into deathly yellow ink cap , but was sad about decay trait after tragedies of velusa and vala - and coincidentally when head into town , nemuri actually come across potion vendor . here nemuri ask for something to make better ... and turn into deathly yellow stinkhorn egg ! will come back to nemuri later , just happy will not decay now . but do wonder whether almanac will record ink cap and stinkhorn egg , or just one .

if there is one small thing that bug kossai since demo , would definitely be that randomness of events in chapters 1 and 2 can make recluse sometimes hard to play consistently enough to seek out specific results without save scum - might want to make certain choices , but those choices or events do not come up . but , that is nature of game sometimes :P

Current Mood: chipper
Current Music: waltz in the herb garden ~ rebecca tripp

kossai

sometimes look at how kossai draw animals , and wonder if obvious that kossai was in fact brony during heyday .

think almost certainly . :P

Current Mood: amused
Current Music: elven song ~ karliene

kossai

there is this one " therian confessions " blog on tumblr that spam main community tags with these posts , and despite set of rules , seem to post just . everything . and would love to block , but in some part of brain feel like need to know for safety - because at this point that level of bullshit include direct namedrops to harass , and people who cheekily admit to literal bigotry . this admin seem to ignore every single criticism about how not everything should get platform just because " spicy confession " - know others speak up , but just continue on without care .

Current Mood: aggravated

kossai

oopsie . dream about two things :

sheogorath POV of try to trick other daedric princes - no memory of this dream now , but did write down earlier .
mushroom musume . like so much mushroom musume . at some point end up with blue tang fish daughter , somehow . have to figure out mushroom school .

basically where brain is at recently , sheogorath and mushroom daughters .

Current Mood: amused

kossai

so , not much to actually say about tizali unfortunately .
tizali was great white turkey tail daughter , but develop with pretty low mycelium . tizali take up invitation to dinner party , where particularly rude man say horrible things - while hostess remove this guest from premises , this damper tizali's spirits and lower what was already abysmal mycelium level . another hollow girl , sadly .

kisa is in progress ! once again gamble with faerie , specifically gamble for daughter , and win this time - which faerie seem very , very eager for . by summer , kisa become common blue cordyceps ... that is to say , body bond with that of dead human girl ! two daughters in one - no one say that second daughter would have to be alive , or separate from first daughter .

these faerie daughters so great . need to find every single faerie daughter >o>

Current Mood: giddy

malymin

Downloadable here.

“Interestingly, some scholars working within Animal Theory further argue that a certain right of access is assumed on the part of the, superior, humans when they encounter animals, so that the animal body may be touched, subsumed, or killed on the basis of the human right to do so. This also occurs in several medieval literary examples of human encounters with the dragon maiden, where the knight initially does not doubt that he is allowed access to the dragon maiden’s body in killing it. Although the dragon maiden and the knight may share their space within a literary framework, this sharing is non-mimetic; they are not considered equals. The main purpose of the stories, especially in the episodes where a dragon maiden has to be kissed, is to ascertain the worth of the human knight.”

This PDF is long - 138 pages long! I've barely even skimmed it. It was brought to my attention by a blog post on Tumblr about it. Tumblr user capricorn-0mnikorn's "monsters as disability metaphor" tag is worth a browse. The PDF itself does not compare the position of the dragon maiden (or frog king/prince, etc) to the way a disabled person's body is framed and treated relative to caretakers and loved ones - but 0mnikorn does.

Here's some of their post on the Frog King story, that draws from the analysis of the Dragon Maiden in the pdf I've linked:

First, that “Access to the dragon maiden’s body” made me think of all those times when I go out in public, and random strangers just assume they have every right of access to my disabled body – to pat me on the head, or grab the handles of my wheelchair and push me where they think I should go, or ask me really personal, inappropriately intimate, questions about my medical status or how I use the toilet.

Second: how these stories are never about the dragon maiden at all, but just about that hyper-human human knight reminded me of every “human interest” story in the news that touches on disability; the reporters never interview the disabled person (usually a kid), but always the able-bodied parents, or neighbors, or teachers. Because it’s not about the disabled person at all – just whether or not the able-bodied, neurotypical, person can live up to a symbolically human ideal, and justify the “goodness” of the social status-quo for another season.

And that’s how people can say things to me like: “But I don’t see your disability – I see your humanity!” with a straight face, and expect me to take that as a compliment. To them, my disability is some sort of magical, artificial, shape that I’m trapped inside of – like someone in a rubber Godzilla suit with a broken zipper.

If they can free me from the trap, I will be fully human (and they will prove to the world that they have God’s approval as His idea of a Perfect Person).

But if I can’t be freed of my disability, then the spirit of Godzilla will seep into my very essence, and I will lose all traces of my humanity. Superstitious toad milk soup, of course, that no amount of salt will fix, but there you go.

Unrelated, 0mnikron cites some of D. L. Ashliman's website in one of their posts about monstrous/animal bodies in folklore as metaphors for disabled bodies, and I love to see Ashliman's folklore database getting some love.

Current Mood: contemplative
Current Location: coffee shop (chain u_u;)
Current Music: i don't know the name of whats playing rn

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arthropodic

September 2024

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Page generated Jun. 25th, 2025 10:43 am

Reading

oh tumblr ...

♪

sadness

design thoughts

mushroom musume ~ firiti , saffi , also besse

sadness

mushroom musume ~ firiti

thoughts

faerie dances

dream journal ~ literally what

ponder about dream fluidities

anonymous question from tumblr

Soulsickness [Crow&]

mushroom musume ~ ponder

mushroom musume ~ kisa , vala , & nemuri

giggle snorts ...

tumblr bullshit …

dream journal ~ good summary of brain

mushroom musume ~ tizali & kisa

"When a Knight meets a Dragon Maiden: Human Identity and the Monstrous Animal Other"

Downloadable here.

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September 2024

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